late nights and the shopping vortex

its 2am. i have been sick for 2 weeks and in a vicious cycle of sleeping for 12 hours, going to work late, getting a minimal amount of work done, going home exhausted, watching "alias" (which is like crack cocaine for the tv-minded, i swear, i watched 3 episodes tonight and i cant seem to get enough), hacking up sweet loogies all over the place (the streets of santa cruz beware!), staying up late cause im not tired and then doing it all again. plus its christmas time and i am trying to be creative and thoughtful with gifts, but lose motivation when i realize i have 5 days to get anything done and no energy in which to do them. its also freeeeeezing, frickin freezing out... coldest its been in 30 years.

being after 2am and wide awake, i now find myself up with all sorts of energy and creativity, but no motivation in which to channel it. what happens to us late at night that makes everything so alive?? once you hit a threshold of lateness, you are sort of in a zone- you just sort of get sucked in to whatever will hold your attention and though you know, you KNOW you need to sleep cause tomorrow will suck if you don't, nothing in the world seems less appealing than going to sleep. but what to do, what to do?

tonight, i chose to blog, though i dont even really have a point to this blog. usually i do. or try to at least. this one is sort of stream of consciousness. though i know that i could write this in my journal or in word and save it as "12.20.06 random late night thoughts"... to blog feels better. maybe for me, its that connection to the outside world, the thought that i am putting my very own thoughts out onto this crazy invisible connection shared by millions around the world and perhaps because its put out there, it will matter.

earlier tonight, i spent about 2 hours in target with my sister and roommate. being the geniuses we are, we drove out to target in holiday traffic (making a 15 min trip take an hour). at one point, after 30 min in traffic, i made my roommate get out of the car at a red light to grab my bag with my phone in it from the trunk. she jumped out, grabbed the bag and the minute she got back in swore and realized she had the wrong bag. so i jumped out, grabbed the other bag and just as i got back in the light turned green and i swore, we laughed, and i started the car as fast as i could.

before target, we went to get food at albertsons next to target, wasting a solid 15 min waiting for our deli clerk to make one stinking veggie sandwich. we all stood there in disbelief as she made the sandwich, chopping each ingredient, placing it all together... somehow, it seemed like time stood still, like there was no time anymore, just us, staring at the deli counter, analyzing the various lunch items, wondering if we would ever get out of there.

we then entered the shopping vortex of target. why i love target is a many faceted explanation-- an explanation of which i will tell you about if you ever go to target with me. as i try on cute sweaters in the dressing room, i will tell you i love target cause of how soft the fabric of the sweater is and its only 2o bucks. while i roam through the aisle dedicated to home fragrances and airsprays, i will tell you i love target because of its wide selection of options for home fragrance. as i peruse the bedding section, i will tell you i love target for its clean white jersey knit sheet set that is also only 20 bucks. when i find a sweet smelling candle with a funky design on the outside, i will tell you i love target for its up-to-the-minute design sensibility and reasonable pricing. as my sister and i spend 20 min looking at make-up, giggling like maniacs and talking to each other in silly voices, me with a shopping cart loaded to the brim trying to find the right eyeliner, my sister wearing the pink robe she plans on buying and telling me why i should buy blue eyeliner, i will tell you i love target because of its vast variety of products which allow funny moments between sisters to occur that are completely unplanned and totally necessary.


much earlier today, the staff went out to a surprise lunch together where we were treated to kianti's and everyone on staff got a pair of converse (my fav shoes ever). we all ate yummy pasta and shared our favorite christmas memories and traditions. at one point, i texted a friend who lived nearby and told him to bring a camera so we could remember this fun event, jokingly telling him not to ask any questions. by accident, i texted his son instead and though confused, his son left work, came all the way down to the restaraunt and was ready for whatever we needed. he had the sweetest most confused look on his face and i just loved him for it.


though i dont buy the myth/expectation that the christmas/holidays are supposed to hold all sorts of heartwarming memories, little moments like these make me want to reconsider. they arent your classic holiday memories, but they are funny everyday moments that you just treasure.


crap, it seems like i can make some sense of my writing, even this late at night.