i am still breathing garlic

i was eating dinner at a ministry meeting with some friends this evening and had some garlic bread. it was yummy and perfect in the context of a lasagna and salad dinner. i enjoyed it (though i was a bit paranoid about my breath, as i often am). then, just as dinner was ending, our lovely hosts plopped down a big bowl of m&m's in front of us. i tried to resist, but couldn't. i got a handful and happily began munching away. the unfortunate part of that was i hadnt waited long enough after the garlic to eat these tasty treats, so i got a mouthful of garlicky chocolate. being wise and having an extensive knowledge of the taste palette, i figured if i ate more chocolate, eventually the garlic taste would wear off. but no.

in about 15 minutes, as we talked and checked in and readied to pray for each other, we put the m&m's on the coffeetable and i decided to try and have some more- cause i want the chocolate taste, not the garlic taste, in my mouth as we talked to God. but no, the garlic was still there. fine.

after prayer, pre-discussion time, we were offered some more sugary goodness. cookies and strawberries. so i had a chocolate chip cookie, thinking it would be just fine. well more than fine. i had decided it was high time for my mouth to have a new sensation, experience something different and yummy and non-garlicky. while the garlic had faded, the cookie somehow just did not taste as good as i expected. so i had some more cookie. more has to be the answer, right?

no.

so i then had a strawberry. though sweet, it was fresh, refreshing, really. it gave me a good feeling.

earlier today, in what felt like an endless series of meetings, i had grabbed a big container of hershey kisses and began devouring them. my bloodsugar gets low in the afternoon and i need these to help keep me awake, you see. its really more about practicality than it is about taste. well, at first it is about practicality, then it becomes a nice treat. but after the first 3, its hard to stop. i am probably just hungry and need some actual food, but somehow reason that the kisses will be enough. so i keep eating them and eating them. at some point, i cant even taste the sweetness anymore. i just want them to fill me up.

and they don't.

the worst part is that i have been sick for almost 2 months with this stupid flu/cold/cough thing and last week, thought i had almost fought it off. then a sore throat returned this week. so i have really needed to be more disciplined about what i eat and how i take care of myself. avoiding sugar would be smart. but i can't seem to stop eating it. and once i get going on it, i just can't get enough. not that sugar is bad all the time, but this just isnt the time.

and it struck me, as i breathed my garlic breath over my sore throat on the drive home and felt my stomach turn from too much sugar:

there is thing i have with trying to fix things with the wrong solutions... even when i know what the right solution would be.

and there is this thing i have with wanting more of things i know i shouldnt have, in a timeframe that is usually sooner than what is best.