survival

i was driving to work today, listening to death cab's piano intro to "what sarah said" (which lends itself to lots of introspective thinking) and as i pulled in to stop at the light, i watched a homeless man walking along the side of the road towards the new shelter on river st. he threw up his arms as if startled and looked around. then he leaned his head back just so slightly and sighed. as i lost sight of his front, i focussed only his mismatched clothes and his posture leaning forward, going towards a nothing he wished was something.

when i was really young, i used to be deathly afraid of ending up homeless. i felt like it was just a few bad choices away, life on the street. like somehow if i didnt follow this exact right path, leaned my foot too far in one direction, wasnt paying attention to something big that would cause me to fall, that i would end up without anything or anyone. survival as an adult seemed so unstable, so uncertain. how did you end up comfortable, without fear of losing everything? of course survival is so much more complicated than that- our hearts are always causing complication even with the basic necessities being provided.

i started driving again and as i steadied my way up the hill towards mission st, i saw on the side of the road two heads bobbing along between the road and the fence- a homeless man and woman heading the same direction as the man before. there they were between a road full of cars on their way somewhere and a fence closing in a huge concrete company working steadily way. two people walking.