the vulnerability of a leader

i have been having lots of conversation about leadership in the last few days-what are the basic fundamentals (is that too scary a word to use?) that make up a good leader? is it possible to actually sum up in a list what these basics are? as i have served in a variety of leadership settings- a local church, high school asb, college housing and student activities- i have met so many different types of leaders and seen so many different strengths that make them good. what i think makes up the best leaders, though, is the ones who are able to admit, embrace and share their weaknesses.

weakness #1:

maybe its just me as a leader, but being in a position to meet and talk with a lot of people and to even be able to learn about where they are in life (which inevitably leads to learning about where they hurt and what needs fixing), i have to battle against what some have coined "the messiah complex"... which i have found to be a common ailment among many leaders. maybe its not just leaders who suffer with it, but it seems it is definitely something they are prone to. the messiah complex (or the MC, not to be confused with the OC) leads one to believe that they can be the ever important factor that leads to anothers life being made whole again. commonly, the one who suffers from the MC does not believe they are in fact Jesus, but somehow, if they say all the right words, or act the right way, give the right resources, or just add that "right" element into the life of the one suffering, then, THEN that person will be healed, be whole again. Some have actually termed this behavior as being "codependent", but thats the pop psychology understanding of codependence. when you look at the actual psychological definition of codependeny, its not trying to fix people- it has to do with enabling their addictive behaviors. i digress.

to be candid, i am so guilty of having the messiah complex, its embarrasing to admit. its a dangerous thing, this complex, because when you allow it to seep in, you can actually convince yourself that you hold the key to fixing people and their situations. and the more people you know, the more people you talk to, the more sorrow you encounter and the more pain you come in contact with, you quickly become overwhelmed and despondent-- because the reality is, you yourself can't fix any of it, you, the mighty leader, cannot even come close. and so you want to give up.

i find myself often coming to the point of wanting to give up because of this complex and then i have to have wise people remind me that leadership is not to be done on my own strength, that i am not, in fact, Jesus. this seems too obvious, right? how can a normal human being assume the power of the one through whom all things were made? i think, though, that the delusion is a subtle one. as i said, no one with the MC actually thinks they are Jesus, just like no one who is prideful actually thinks they are God (this is assuming that when we are prideful, we are saying we want to be in charge of our lives, not God). perhaps the one who suffers with the MC takes those encouragements for us as believers to "be Jesus" to the world around us to an extreme, but with the best intentions.

6 weeks or so ago, i was going through an incredibly emotional day, being challenged and stripped of my pride, facing hard realities and feeling the weight of some of my own issues of brokeness. that same night, i had to go lead a group of leaders. though broken and sapped of my own strength, i was reminded that perhaps this was the best state in which to lead. there were no pretentions in me, there was no room for me to assume the place of "messiah" because i could barely keep my own little life together. upon arriving at the meeting, i found myself able to just listen, not to offer all my own solutions. i just let people talk, i tried to remain a part of things, not the answer to things. as we began "check in," i shared where i was and came clean about my vulnerable state. as we went around, the night evolved into an incredible time of our leaders sharing their own struggles, not simply the surface struggles, but real issues we would not have shared with just anyone. it was only the 2nd or 3rd time we had met, but the levels of intimacy we encountered that night have allowed a healthy beginning to our ministry- one that this MC-prone leader could have never dreamed up.

their were no "answers" to the issues we all laid on the table that night... there was just sense of relief and comfort in the simple act of saying those things out loud, with receiving ears hearing, and then release in all of us praying to the real Messiah and offering up our unknowns to him. i did not need to be the "strong one" who offered the right words. i did not need to have the right answers to the questions. i did not even need to say very much at all, save to be honest about my own weakness.