i, for many years, have felt that i was inside. i was told by many people so many times that i was so fun and so easy to be with and just well, cool. not cool as in overly cool. not cool as in "laguna beach" cool or santa cruz surfer chick cool, but cool like just you know, down. like i could be in crowds and feel alright. like i could easily associate with anyone, make them feel alright. make friends so easily, make it all feel alright so easily.
and i am different now. just different.
i can't even say i am outside, because outside has become in. indy rock, hipster clothes, underground opinions and back alley attitudes... its all very in. and thats all slowy becoming mainstream, but teetering there somewhere in between. and i don't fit that, i am not an outsider, except to those who are inside of the out. i have become suddenly outside of the in and its really really uncomfortable. painfully so.
i think i am speaking in half terms: the grounds i speak on about being in and out are spilt in half. half i speak of culture, music, fashion, whatever. half i speak of the social circles, friendships. i don't fit the way i used to and its devastating to this once social butterfly, this once drama girl.
all i can make of it is that even the comfortableness of being "me" is being taken away. being broken down. so i can be of someone else. but if you can't be you and you can't be either inside or out, where are you then?
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2 comments:
You have no idea how I can relate to that. Part of me discovering who I really am, in or out, has been through this whole process of moving. It has stripped down my social circles, humbled me, made me cling more to God in my times of loneliness, and forced me to strive for discipline. I don't necessarily fit in here. Do I fit back there? What has shaped me to be the person I am today? My sphere of influence? My identity in Christ? Both? All these things I grapple with. I think we all go through these stages of life where we re-examine ourselves. It's so healthy. I thank you for your honesty in how God is changing you. I think it's for the better. :)
Well done on a nice blog kristin. I was searching for information on Christmas games and came across your post suddenly outside of the in - not quite what I was looking for related to Christmas games but very nice all the same!
We're all getting ready for Christmas and I've just put the finishing touches to my new site specially for kids, or rather their parents and relatives. You can go there and get Santa to send a really nice personalized letter to a youngster. It's great fun! If you have a moment, perhaps you'd enjoy taking a look: Letter from Santa .
Well, a merry Christmas to you and yours!
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