more on illumination

Oh man, i SO should not be up right now. I am at the point of near exhaustion, after almost 2 weeks without a day off... oh man, oh man, Jesus help me.

BUT, i couldn’t not stay up and write... its always times like this that one feels most inspired and most fired up to let these writerly thoughts flow out... or maybe not even writerly so much as just EXCITED, INSPIRED, EAGER for more. Let me try to explain.

Tonight, i had my community group, which has been going now for about 5 months. In the beginning, it was kind of an awkward group and i had very little hope it would grow into anything substantial. I actually remember lamenting this fact to my mentor, worrying over the way it was going, fretting that it would just be sort of uncomfortable and surface forever. And God, in all his stinkin amazing wisdom and mercy, has literally created the most beautiful little family unit in this group and it is so dear to my heart in such a special, unique way, its really hard to put it down in words.

Tonight was just a perfect example of how beautiful everything is, how illuminated it all becomes when God does his thing in a group of willing people. I came to group so tired (and so tired, i couldn’t even really muster up enough energy to complain about being tired) and not having much of an idea of how the group would go. I had read up on Ephesians 4 and wanted to have an in depth, insightful study with everyone. But i couldn’t see how this would work. I was SO tired, and everyone else seemed pretty beat, too.

But as we all collected in Josh’s little living room and the buzz of conversation went on around me, i began to realize that despite my own “leadership”, there is so much more going on than me simply leading a discussion and us reading our Bibles. We all sort of languidly began sharing about our weeks, the highlights, the lowlights, the funny little idiosyncrasy’s, the lessons we were learning. It was quiet at times and talkative at others. Energy ebbed and flowed around and we sort of sat glowing. Maxwell shared about his theory on “acorns as spiritual gifts” metaphor and then did a little freestyle rapping about it, which made us all giggle and smile big smiles.

We opened up the 2nd half of Ephesians 4 and read. We began digging through the text and in time, it, too, was illuminated. Watching each person contribute to the discussion, adding their insight, experience, thoughts, it became apparent that God was at work. What I LOVE about this realization is that is the most subtle realization, it is the softest sentiment, the simplest shift... and you can just feel it go. Each person builds on the other, we all talk, add something, ideas are formed and expanded. As we sift through the meaning and talked through the themes, the truths, the realities of these words, I think everyone was taking away what they needed. It wasn’t one of those where everyone got onto the same page and we all came to the same conclusion or “application point”... it was all much more organic, raw. You just knew God was working it out in each of us.

And then...

...you begin watching everyone get quiet... but in a good way: a thoughtful, in-going quiet. A changing silence. And the glow of that. Ah, it’s a clear picture in my mind and it’s so sweet.

As we slowed down and let it all sink in, people began to get a bit vulnerable with where they were. Sharing struggles about families who denied the faith or who won’t give it a chance. Friends who can’t seem to understand, health problems that seem hopeless. Unspoken needs that can get lifted in the calling out to Him in our hearts when we pray as a group. And as we did pray together, the sweetness kept coming—not a sickening sweet, but one you savor. Amen.

After praying, we all sat around and talked about what the group meant to us. And a lot was said, and so much more could be said. I can’t quite put it all down here and now, but this is special. And this is church. I work for a church, and what we do Sunday’s is church. But this, THIS, this, its church in such a new way, such a vital way, such a needed way. I pray every group who meets could experience even a sliver of what goes on in our group. And what’s better, is that I don’t even think we have reached the best of what is to come. This is family. This is love.

I know that sometimes we can question why we are even here at all. What did God put us on earth for in the first place? There will always be someone to lead a study, someone to be part of a discussion, someone to be in a group. And maybe we won’t know our reasons in the end, maybe it won’t ever make perfect sense, the reasons. But all i know is that i wouldn’t miss nights like tonight for anything. I wouldn’t want someone else in my place tonight. I would hope everyone would have a chance to experience tonight, but i wouldn’t want to miss out on it. Something intricate and something big has brought me right to where i am: that divine plan has me where i am right now. Who am I to question that? Who am I to miss out on times like this, people like this, love like you find in nights like tonight?


Ah, live it- live it...

what are you waiting for?