i've always admired people that can ask great questions, the kind of questions that evoke thoughtful responses and help the person answering figure out something about themselves in the process of responding. today, i met with a mentor of sorts, a leader who i've met with a few times over the years and who always seems to be able to ask the right questions, and from whom i took a leadership course on spiritual direction. he asked me to grab a hot drink (we are 2 of the 10 people in Northern California who don't drink coffee, he joked on the way down) and catch up on life. i jumped at the opportunity, as i respect this person a great deal and felt completely honored to spend time with him... and excited to see what kind of questions he might ask.
in the course of our almost 2 hours of conversation, we talked about many of my most favorite things- life, ministry, marriage, relationships, learning, inspiration, God's kingdom and movement in His people. whenever i spend time with him, i always walk away inspired to be the best version of myself, to be a person of my word, a person of integrity, a person who follows Jesus with every part of my life. a person of fidelity to the long walk of faith. and so much of what affects me when we talk are the questions he asks... today he asked things like:
"where do you feel most alive in ministry?" and he listened as I processed through and explained some of the things delighting me most at this moment - teaching, training, teamwork, meeting one on one with people, supporting other staff.
"what do you sense God's dreams and designs are for your life?", a question which i have so much trouble answering, or even thinking through, so i often avoid thinking about it. he took time to walk me through what this means- God has designed me and has dreams for me, unlikely dreams, dreams that dont have to fit into a personality test or a list of goals, dreams that He longs for me to live out... and so what would it look like to consider how God views me, and what He might long for my life to become? He encouraged me to spend time thinking on that and letting it sit in me so that God could have some space to reveal his dreams and help me live them out.
"where in your life are you being formed and challenged? what practices do you have set in place so that the areas in your life where you need to grow and change can be pushed against in an intentional way?" - thought i am a big fan of intentional growth and change, i dont have anything on the horizon in regard to this question, since a leadership group i've been part of it is coming to an end in a few weeks. he suggested that I consider meeting with a spiritual director once a month, and put into place an intentional spiritual practice that can help me anchor my days, to be the place where no matter what happens during the day, i can come to this thing and find refuge in it and draw strength. this suggestion aligned with some other senses I had been having about where God might be taking me, and it felt right to hear it from him as a "next step," something to take action on because it felt like i was being lead there. we talked more about spiritual direction, what it was, what it could mean to me.
i asked him some advice about an area of ministry, which lead to some helpful insight from him about how important it is for us as leaders to not control everything around us, to not make excuses for scripture, to not try to explain everything or have every answer. I struggle deeply with being in control, for fear that if i am not, i will somehow lose everything or let everyone down. here was a simple reminder to let God be in control, to surrender to Him, to not speak out of turn, to let His spirit guide and direct and be in charge in all things. we talked about how important it is not to just give people words about who God is and His love for us, but to also simply live out that love for them to experience when they interact with us.
our two hours flew by and felt full and brimming with goodness. as he dropped me back off at the office, i realized i needed to give him a check for the upcoming retreat i would be doing through the leadership group we were part of. he just smiled and said, "oh, i wanted to let you know that someone paid for the rest of your balance, so you are all squared away." i began to tear up. that very simple and very profound reality of someone else paying your debt just struck into the heart of me. here i was receiving an answer to a question i didn't ask. i was expecting to have to pay and someone else took care of it for me.... what? for some reason, a part of me was in disbelief, not knowing how to quite receive something so unexpected. why did i feel like somehow i didnt deserve it, or that i needed to pay anyway? i had to chose to just let that gift settle in to me, and once it did, i realized that all i wanted to do in return was bless someone else in the same way some day. that's the thing about unexpected gifts, blessings, grace, love... when you experience them so deeply and so truly, you can't help but want to turn around and give it to someone else.
may i be a person who gives the gifts of both unexpected blessings and thoughtful, well-time questions.
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