Hungry for Change... again...

The first time we went through the Hungry for Change experience (about a month ago), I remember it almost being over and already dreading having to do it again. Heading into Day 4 of the second time through this thing, I know why.

Prior to starting our second experience of this "fast," I definitely was not dreading it like I was the first one. It's crazy how much power our minds have and I remember the first time not knowing how I would feel, and what the hunger would be like, and worrying over whether I could make it. Having completed the first experience, I knew I could do it, so I didn't worry too much. It was fascinating interacting with people who are part of our church who were doing it for the first time, as they were feeling the same anxiety I felt - how will I make it through 5 days? What will it be like? How will I feel?

The first few days of round two were not as hard as the ones of round one, and I figured that my body had experienced this before and so had adjusted itself to know what to expect. I could see those Day 2 & 3 effects on some of the VFC staff who I had meetings with on Monday and Tuesday - lethargy, exhaustion, distraction, anxiety, moodiness... yes, even a grumpy pants or two. I felt some level of relief that I wasn't feeling so low and, true confessions, I even felt a bit smug that I wasn't feeling as badly as everyone else.

And then the end of Day 3 hit me.

Instead of being such a strong physical ache for food, this second time has produced a more intense mental battle. My body is not so much craving food and causing me to lust after any food item I happen to pass by or see... it's my mind. I will be going through the day and all of the sudden, all I can think about is how much I want to eat and what I would eat if I could eat, and I how I HATE not being able to have what I want, and how I can't wait for it to be Friday because then I can do what I want, eat what I want and feel better.

This war in my mind is a very powerful one indeed. Getting past the physical effects of such an experience and into what's going on inside has produced in me a new level of understanding about myself. I am far more selfish and self-centered than I had imagined. I am far more privileged than I realized. I am far more unaware of the world and its pain and suffering than I want to admit. My temptation is to keep making the effects of this experience about ME - how bad I feel, how much I want this to be over, how difficult this is for me. But, it's not about me.

It's not about me.

IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

Millions- no, BILLIONS- of people live this way EVERY DAY. I can't even imagine this. It is too difficult and overwhelming to fully comprehend. I want to ignore this reality and just keep focusing on my own short view of my self, my work, my efforts at getting through this uncomfortable and annoying experience. And yet...

What if at every twinge of hunger, I called on the God of the universe to bring his mercy and justice to lives of the hungry around the world?

What if with every thought of wanting more, I called on the sovereign God over all to provide for the least of these who feel this way all the time?

What if I turned each mental battle over to Him, and called on the Comforter and Redeemer to bring His love and light to people who have nothing?


     What if....?